Moments from Menopause

MOTIVATION is a huge behavioral subclass. What makes us do - or not do -something? What makes us want to achieve a goal, learn something new, deviate from our comfort zone? The motivation or the WILLINGNESS, to do so. When you're freshly married or in a new relationship, it's  exciting being around that person. The newness  of the relationship, the learning about one another, the delight you take in exploring each other. After a while, behaviors get predictable and "things" can get, well, old.  You still love one another, but work stress, childcare concerns, maybe even financial responsibilities start to take over your relationships and your time and you just don't devote as much energy to your needs anymore. Sex goes on the back burner and soon you can't remember the last time you "did it." During menopause, when you feel fat, unattractive, flashy and moody, "doing it" is sometimes the very last thing on your mind. But it shouldn't...

So much of sex is in your head. I know that sounds, well, dumb. But it's true. Maybe sixteen year old boys can go from zero to 100 in a millisecond, but it takes the average ADULT a little longer. There a few phases that need to be accomplished before getting down to the deed. Today we'll talk about Desire, and I'm not referring to a Harlequin sub-genre of books. DESIRE is, basically, your interest in sex.  It has a few subcategories that make it up. 1. DRIVE. No, not like your car. This DRIVE is the biological part of the equation, what makes you want to have sex. It shows itself through your fantasies, erotic thoughts, and attractions sexually to other people. The strength of desire varies from person to person and many factors come into play in how strong or not-so-strong it is. 2. BELIEFS. Desire can be and is driven in most people by their spiritual and cultural beliefs and value systems. Very strict religious groups may not believe in pre-marital sex and see it...

"Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." ~ George Burns Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?" ~Rita Rudner There is much to be said  for post-menopausal celibacy. Sex is rough on loners because you have to have somebody else around, but now I don't. No more diets to stay slim and desirable: I've had sex and I've had food, and I'd rather eat.  Florence King. I visited over 20 websites to get quotes about SEX AND MENOPAUSE and the three above were the only humerous ones. Most of the "funny" ones were really just plain sad. Here is a statistic I found that made me even sadder: " Between a third and a half of peri- and postmenopausal women experience one or more sexual problems." At a time in our lives when we can really just have sex for the good old fashioned fun of it - no worries about baby-making, su...

It's been a hot and humid summer here, both outside and inside. Literally: inside my body! The flashes are under control for the most part but the craziest thing has happened to my internal thermostat since the origin of this journey through menopause. It used to be I was always cold. And I mean ALWAYS. Flannel sheets and pajamas didn't cut it and I froze all winter long. I never needed the air conditioning in the summer months because I exuded frostiness from my pores. Then menopause hit like a tornado this past january. Once the flashes were under control I figured I'd go back to a pseudo normal existence.  HA! The joke's on me. It seems my internal furnace has been stoked into high temp gear. I burn all the time now. No amount of air conditioning is cooling enough, no amount of imbibing cold drinks seems to have any effect on me. I'm hot. In every way, but the good way. My poor husband wakes up every morning looking like a popsicle because I have the AC jacked ...