Moments from Menopause

So last week I wrote about how there's a humongous marketing push for women of a certain age - read MENOPAUSAL! - and skin care. Every major cosmetic and skin care line now sells a separate line for the woman over 50. These lines are branded as youth in a bottle and non-surgical corrective cures for saggy, wrinkly, aging skin. If only. One particular line deals with an aging skin issue ( and don't I hate that phrase!) called crepey skin. The definition is skin that looks thin and dull and wrinkly, like crepe paper. Seriously?? When did this become a "thing?" Well, I'd never heard about crepey skin until I saw Jane Seymour hawking her line of skin cream called CREPE ERASE. Jane has Dr. Andrew Ordon explain why the skin turns to the consistency of crepe paper  and shows you how, after using this product, within 60 days there is a quantifiable and visible change in the appearance of the skin. So, for full disclosure here, I have this affliction. Crepey ...

I was taking a shower a few months back and after I'd washed then conditioned my mid-back length hair, I was  ready to clean the tub when I noticed a small animal circling the drain. I think I screamed. I know I jumped because I dropped the shower cleaning bottle on the rodent - which is what I assumed it was. Only, after a moment I realized rodents aren't champagne blonde in color, are they?  No, they are more of a deep silvery gray. Petrified, I also realized it wasn't moving, so I did - into action. Armed with the spray solution bottle poised as a "gun" with the nozzle pointed at the inert mammal, I bent into the tub and gave it a shove with the bottle head. It didn't move, but it did sort of stick to the plastic nozzle. It was then I realized it wasn't a dead or drowned mouse, but a clump - a huge clump - of my own hair. An immediate flashback clouded my vision as I stood there, naked and dripping, leaning into the tub. About 12 years ago I'd co...