Moments from Menopause

I've been talking about my never-ending struggle  to lose any/all/something of the weight I've gained during the time I started menopause until this moment in time. Nothing has worked so far, in fact, my weight keeps creeping upward. Creeping ? Jiminy crickets, it's on the fast track! So, in an attempt to try something different, I went and got Hypnotized this past Saturday. Yes, me, little Miss Naysayer, actually went to a seminar where you can get hypnotized to lose weight. It was....interesting, to say the least. One of the best things about it is that I was the thinnest person in the room except for the hypnotist. And I realize how horrible I sound saying that, but anytime I can be the thinnest person ANYWHERE is a major plus for my fragile ego. So. The seminar was 2 hours. One was devoted to a detailed, medicine-backed lecture on why dieting doesn't work, the way our bodies process sugar and fat, and the ways we've slowly been killing ourselves w...

In my never-ending battle to rid myself of all the menopause and middle-aged weight I've gained, I've been very diligent of late going to the gym. Here's a disclaimer: I absolutely, positively, without exception HATE exercising. I always have. I don't like to sweat. It makes me feel... gross/dirty/slimy/smelly. And I especially hate sweating in front of other people. I know...weird. But that's me. Anyway... Because it's been drilled into me by every single person - professional and non- that I've spoken to about my weight struggles, I am now becoming a devotee of gym-going. I still hate it, but I recognize I need to do SOMETHING. The fat is not going to magically slough from my a**.  I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and my arms will no longer jiggle like congealed jello. And I'm sick and tired of investing in Spanx. So...to the gym I go. Since I hate it so much, I've found I am very anti-social when I am there. I have a headset ...

I've been very honest with my weight struggles over my lifetime.  A 40-year eating disorder that started in my early teens has turned my metabolism into a non-functioning nightmare. Add in this hormone-crazed time called MENOPAUSE, and my weight, like the stock market, has been steadily climbing. The stock market may have in-place corrections, my menopause metabolism does not, so while the market gets, well, corrected,  my weight continues to spiral upward, no federal trade ceiling mandates to stop it. My eating disorder bloomed out of a random statement my father made to me when I was 12. A little backstory is needed: My parents divorced before I was born. My father's mother had been a very famous fur model in the 1940's and 50's in NY. My father had even been a child model. So, back to me. When I was 12 I was the tallest kid in my class and had been since second grade. My father is waaaaay over 6 feet and everyone thought I'd gotten the tall DNA as well. ...

I recently had a doctor tell me that if you change nothing about your diet and exercise regime, you will gain 10% of your current weight every decade after 50. No matter what. 10%! So if I weigh 150 pounds at 50, by 60 I will weight 165. By 70, 181.5 and so on until you die. If I do nothing, make no changes. Why I didn't know this before I ever hit menopause is mind-blowing to me, because if I had, I certainly would have made sure I weighed waaaaaaaaaaay less than I did when it hit me! I think I mentioned once before in this blog that I was on Nutrisystem when menopause hit me full force. I'd lost 30 pounds in three months. The second menopause reared it's ugly head, I gained 32 pounds within 1 month... and still while on Nutrisystem. Yes, you read that right: I gained 32 pounds on a weight reduction program. It wasn't the program's fault. I did everything I was told to do to the letter. It was that my body had suddenly been thrust into a cauldron of sw...

Bleck! That's the only way I can describe my mid-section now that I am BFF's (NOT!) with Menopause. I used to have a waist. Really . It dented in and everything! My pants buttoned without straining in agony and looking they were going to rend at the seams; my skirts clasped in the back without closing off the circulation to my abdominal area; and when I wore a fitted shirt - it did! Not anymore. No, now I've got an actual roll - and I don't mean bread, although it is doughy - around the area I used to fondly refer to as my waist. When I was a kid I  heard references to "middle aged spread" and didn't understand the term. Now, I have a first hand view of what it means. The experts will tell you it occurs because of the hormone changes. Your body tends to store fat more when your female hormones go wonky. Conventional wisdom might tell you to stop eating fattening foods and the spare tire won't happen. I'm here to tell you NO! NOPE! Won't d...