Hypnos,Morpheus and Somnus walk into a bar....

To sleep, perchance to Dream; Aye, there's the rub.” 
― William Shakespeare, Hamlet

No wonder Sleeping Beauty looked so good...she took long naps, never got old, and didn't have to do anything but snore to get her Prince Charming.” 
― Olive Green

Dark circles under my eyes sink deeper and deeper into my skull, in contrast to my pale skin there is an undeniable resemblance to a fresh corpse.” 
― Dee Remy

I was pretty exhausted when I wrote this, so sorry right up front!

I've never been what you  might call a "good sleeper." I've always been able to hear paint dry, so any noise in the middle of the night, even a mouse chewing, tends to wake me up. Of course when I had a child this only intensified. I cold hear my daughter roll over in her crib from the next floor down. And she was a very quiet baby.

When menopause hit, somehow this sleep deprivation lifestyle got even worse. Here's what my life has become: exhausted from a full day of working, taking care of the house - and all that entails -, and trying to fit in some modicum of exercise, I drop into bed, and before I can even say "goodnight, I love you" to my hubby, I fall asleep immediately. Two hours,  three at the upper most, I spring wide awake and nothing can get me back into sleeps' rejuvenating clutches.  I look at the bedside clock every three or four minutes for the next few hours, to finally succumb to utter exhaustion again a half hour before I have to be up for the day.

This happens EVERY NIGHT.

I tried everything: I gave up caffeine, I tried reading boring stuff before sleep, I made sure I didn't eat any sweets within three hours of bedtime ( this was the hardest!), I even stopped drinking liquids at dinner just so I wouldn't wake myself up in order to go to the bathroom.

None of these measures worked. Like a well timed alarm, my body shot wide awake every night at the same time. Now, lack of sleep can pose a serious health issue and it screws with your emotions like no body's business making you a candidate in good standing for the bitch of the month club.  I'm a charter member. Research into why this was happening, and how I could deal with it told me this is what happens to menopausal women:
1. you have more trouble falling asleep and then staying asleep.
2. you become sleepier earlier than you ever have before (except when you were a toddler and made to go to sleep early so mommy could have some alone time!)
3. you wake up earlier. Even roosters are still snoring.
4. you wake up because of the night sweats. Enough said.
5. your sleep is less deep than it has been in the past. Remember those days when you could sleep through a parade? Not so  much any more.
6. Nature calls more often and for smaller amounts than it used to.

Any of these sound familiar?

Now if you don't have any sleep disorders such as restless leg syndrome, or sleep apnea, you can pretty much bet your sleepless nights are related to the time of your  life at present. So the question becomes what, if anything, can you do about it?

Sleep experts will tell you that you need to practice good SLEEP HYGIENE techniques. The first time I heard this phrase I thought it sounded a lot like practicing safe sex!  But what it entails may help you stay asleep longer. The most important thing about good sleep hygiene is to practice it ROUTINELY. Remember when your kids were little and you wanted them to get into good habits at bedtime? Bath time, brush teeth, listen to a story, cuddle? Believe it or not, it holds true here, too. Take a hot, relaxing bath before getting between the sheets. The vasodilation from the hot water not only feels great, it lulls you. Read something soothing when you get into bed, not the newest Stephen King. The bedroom should be used for sleep and sex, nothing more, so: No tv shows, ipad games, facebooking, or anything else that you need a stimulated brain for. Keep the room cool and dark. If you're going to have night sweats, why would you have flannel sheets on the bed? Keep the room quiet. Do not have a clock that flashes when the time changes, or a clock that strikes the hour audibly. Make sure the sheets and pillows are comfortable. Nothing is more aggravating than a lumpy pillow, or scratchy sheets. And avoid laundry detergents that have very strong and distinct odors. Believe it or not, your sleeping brain will respond to odors and if they are too strong, you will wake up. This is kind of a good thing when you think about it because if your house is on fire, you want to smell the smoke and wake up!

Every night before getting into bed, try to do the same thing.Bathe, brush teeth, brush hair. You get the idea: Make it routine. Getting into bed, keep the room cooler and the lamps at a lower wattage - bright lights are stimulating. Plug in all your electronic apparatus such as ipad, i phone, laptop, in another room. All of those electronic devices have glow lights that indicate they are charging. If you ever watched SEX AND THE CITY you know that Carrie Bradshaw always slept with a sleep mask over her eyes. I could never figure that out until I hit menopause and every light at night, even the smallest one from my cell phone charger, became a beacon.

Next time we'll discuss foods and other things that can interrupt your sleep cycle, but for now, Practice those good sleep hygiene techniques and see if you don't sleep a little longer, a littler sounder, and little better.

Anybody get the title of this piece? Let me know.