Breasts, Bellies and Bloating, Part 2
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping. Cindy Crawford
| “My husband said 'show me your boobs' and I had to pull up my skirt... so it was time to get them done!” | |
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I'm going to start with a truth: I hate my breasts. There. I said it.
When I was eight I was a chubby kid with curly hair, skinny legs, and a big belly. The menstruation fairy arrived when I was nine and, as a parting gift, gave me breasts. She wouldn't take them back no matter how much I pleaded. They were mine for life, she told me, get used to them. What a pain that was. I was the only girl in fifth grade who had to wear a bra - and not a training bra which is really just an undershirt with the body cut off. A Real bra, the kind you had to - back then - go to the Ladies department in the store to buy.
Talk about mortifying.
When I grew older and lost some weight, I hated my beasts even more because they never lost any weight. The thinner I got, the bigger they got. I couldn't wear a button down blouse without a safety pin placed smack dab in the middle of the buttons, because the fabric gapped across by breasts giving the world a view of my ugly white Playtex Cross-Your-Heart. Big busted girls know just what I'm talkin' 'bout. Forget wearing a bathing suit or any kind of revealing or tight clothing. I looked like a miniature brown haired Dolly Parton and it was humiliating.
Fast forward through puberty ( horrendous!) and college ( ghastly!) and land on my wedding day. The gown was a size 10, the bodice a 16. I had to pay extra for that kind of tailoring.
After the birth of my daughter they grew again and no amount of exercising would shrink them. I never lost my baby weight post partum: it just shifted to my breasts and settled in.
When menopause hit, I swear they grew again, but now other problems have occurred, like swelling and tenderness. Sometimes just having a bra on hurts, but I am terrified to go without one because I could seriously knock myself out if I ever had to run for my life!
Breast tenderness during peri and menopause is a common ailment. Most women just feel it as a slight discomfort such as they usually get before a period comes. It goes away after a day or so. Clinically, breast pain, or Mastalgia, can occur in one or both breasts and may branch out to the underarms and even your shoulders. During menopause when your estrogen levels are in flux and all over the hormone map, this may lead to breast tissue that swells and feels sore when the levels rise. Hormone therapy or phytoestrogens can help because they level the estrogen off, but if you're not taking any supplements, most of the stuff you can do is palliative at best.
Non-steroidal anti-inflammatories like Motrin or Ibuprofen derivatives help some, but most people don't take something for pain until it actually arrives. You can't predict when your nipples are suddenly going to start feeling annoying. Wearing a good support - but not tight fitting bra - that keeps the girls supported and not jigging may also be beneficial and I even know some women who sleep in their bras because it helps with the discomfort rolling around and hanging down untethered causes. It's not the sexiest look at night, but if it helps, hey, why not?
Some gyno docs say get rid of the caffeine and extra salt in your diets, but there doesn't seem to be much proof that this is an overall cure. Cutting back on the caffeine during your period usually does help some, but remember: chocolate has caffeine and that ONLY HELPS when you're hormonal! Heating pads, hot tubs, and warm showers can ease some of the discomfort but really, how much time during the day can you be submersed? You have a life!
Barring a prophyllactic mastectomy, I'm stuck with these two protrusions for the next 40-50 years. Like the menstruation fairy said: get used to it!
Talk about mortifying.
When I grew older and lost some weight, I hated my beasts even more because they never lost any weight. The thinner I got, the bigger they got. I couldn't wear a button down blouse without a safety pin placed smack dab in the middle of the buttons, because the fabric gapped across by breasts giving the world a view of my ugly white Playtex Cross-Your-Heart. Big busted girls know just what I'm talkin' 'bout. Forget wearing a bathing suit or any kind of revealing or tight clothing. I looked like a miniature brown haired Dolly Parton and it was humiliating.
Fast forward through puberty ( horrendous!) and college ( ghastly!) and land on my wedding day. The gown was a size 10, the bodice a 16. I had to pay extra for that kind of tailoring.
After the birth of my daughter they grew again and no amount of exercising would shrink them. I never lost my baby weight post partum: it just shifted to my breasts and settled in.
When menopause hit, I swear they grew again, but now other problems have occurred, like swelling and tenderness. Sometimes just having a bra on hurts, but I am terrified to go without one because I could seriously knock myself out if I ever had to run for my life!
Breast tenderness during peri and menopause is a common ailment. Most women just feel it as a slight discomfort such as they usually get before a period comes. It goes away after a day or so. Clinically, breast pain, or Mastalgia, can occur in one or both breasts and may branch out to the underarms and even your shoulders. During menopause when your estrogen levels are in flux and all over the hormone map, this may lead to breast tissue that swells and feels sore when the levels rise. Hormone therapy or phytoestrogens can help because they level the estrogen off, but if you're not taking any supplements, most of the stuff you can do is palliative at best.
Non-steroidal anti-inflammatories like Motrin or Ibuprofen derivatives help some, but most people don't take something for pain until it actually arrives. You can't predict when your nipples are suddenly going to start feeling annoying. Wearing a good support - but not tight fitting bra - that keeps the girls supported and not jigging may also be beneficial and I even know some women who sleep in their bras because it helps with the discomfort rolling around and hanging down untethered causes. It's not the sexiest look at night, but if it helps, hey, why not?
Some gyno docs say get rid of the caffeine and extra salt in your diets, but there doesn't seem to be much proof that this is an overall cure. Cutting back on the caffeine during your period usually does help some, but remember: chocolate has caffeine and that ONLY HELPS when you're hormonal! Heating pads, hot tubs, and warm showers can ease some of the discomfort but really, how much time during the day can you be submersed? You have a life!
Barring a prophyllactic mastectomy, I'm stuck with these two protrusions for the next 40-50 years. Like the menstruation fairy said: get used to it!
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