"Do ya wanna?"
MOTIVATION is a huge behavioral subclass. What makes us do - or not do -something? What makes us want to achieve a goal, learn something new, deviate from our comfort zone? The motivation or the WILLINGNESS, to do so.
When you're freshly married or in a new relationship, it's exciting being around that person. The newness of the relationship, the learning about one another, the delight you take in exploring each other. After a while, behaviors get predictable and "things" can get, well, old. You still love one another, but work stress, childcare concerns, maybe even financial responsibilities start to take over your relationships and your time and you just don't devote as much energy to your needs anymore. Sex goes on the back burner and soon you can't remember the last time you "did it."
During menopause, when you feel fat, unattractive, flashy and moody, "doing it" is sometimes the very last thing on your mind. But it shouldn't be.
Humans are sexual beings. We have sex, and not merely for propagation of the species. We enjoy it. We are the only species who write about, plan for it, prepare for it, and attach a huge significance to it. We can engage in sex until we die, as long as there are no physical or mental barriers barring us from it. Fact. So sex in late middle age is normal. Fact. What is also a fact is that during menopause a statistical number of women loose their motivation to have sex.
When you're bloated you really don't want anyone to see you naked. When you're flashing, the thought of another hot, sweaty body next to or on top of you is the last thing you want. Sometimes, the mental energy it takes to have sex - the preparation, the seduction - is too much to think about for someone dealing with mood swings. Okay, so all those factors are salient.
But.
Why deny yourself something that has brought you and your partner such pleasure over the years? The kids are gone - hopefully - the house is yours. Your time is yours. You can be spontaneous and have sex in the foyer if you're so inclined! Or you can set the seduction scene - dinner, candlelight, chocolate, and prolong the anticipation. Remember - most of sex is in your head. The act itself is short compared to what runs through your mind. So if you can draw from a lifetime of pleasurable memories, or even create some new ones, go for it. Buy new lingerie, get a new hairstyle, role play. This is the time of your life that is characterized by change, so change it up. If the thought of someone on top of you just makes you feel sweaty, You be on top. If your changing body is giving you acid reflux, buy something new and sexy to put over it. Believe me, it won't be on long! And here's something that I think a great deal of women don't do: tell your partner what you want, what makes you feel good. And it doesn't hurt to be the aggressor, or the instigator at times either. Men are like idle engines: rev them up and they are ready to go, no worries.
Change is good. Motivate your self to change.
When you're freshly married or in a new relationship, it's exciting being around that person. The newness of the relationship, the learning about one another, the delight you take in exploring each other. After a while, behaviors get predictable and "things" can get, well, old. You still love one another, but work stress, childcare concerns, maybe even financial responsibilities start to take over your relationships and your time and you just don't devote as much energy to your needs anymore. Sex goes on the back burner and soon you can't remember the last time you "did it."
During menopause, when you feel fat, unattractive, flashy and moody, "doing it" is sometimes the very last thing on your mind. But it shouldn't be.
Humans are sexual beings. We have sex, and not merely for propagation of the species. We enjoy it. We are the only species who write about, plan for it, prepare for it, and attach a huge significance to it. We can engage in sex until we die, as long as there are no physical or mental barriers barring us from it. Fact. So sex in late middle age is normal. Fact. What is also a fact is that during menopause a statistical number of women loose their motivation to have sex.
When you're bloated you really don't want anyone to see you naked. When you're flashing, the thought of another hot, sweaty body next to or on top of you is the last thing you want. Sometimes, the mental energy it takes to have sex - the preparation, the seduction - is too much to think about for someone dealing with mood swings. Okay, so all those factors are salient.
But.
Why deny yourself something that has brought you and your partner such pleasure over the years? The kids are gone - hopefully - the house is yours. Your time is yours. You can be spontaneous and have sex in the foyer if you're so inclined! Or you can set the seduction scene - dinner, candlelight, chocolate, and prolong the anticipation. Remember - most of sex is in your head. The act itself is short compared to what runs through your mind. So if you can draw from a lifetime of pleasurable memories, or even create some new ones, go for it. Buy new lingerie, get a new hairstyle, role play. This is the time of your life that is characterized by change, so change it up. If the thought of someone on top of you just makes you feel sweaty, You be on top. If your changing body is giving you acid reflux, buy something new and sexy to put over it. Believe me, it won't be on long! And here's something that I think a great deal of women don't do: tell your partner what you want, what makes you feel good. And it doesn't hurt to be the aggressor, or the instigator at times either. Men are like idle engines: rev them up and they are ready to go, no worries.
Change is good. Motivate your self to change.
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